the 7th day is 29th in this month. it will be a 7-day-farewell, but you can turn it into a sweet-journey before we met, or before the current status had pleasing changes. it depends on yourself.
　　you can't depend on me again. just can't. ① it wasn't destined to surpass the limits everytime, if i had done just because GOD's mercy and good luck. ② even if i can do, this time, the balance inner had lost: i'm a worrior, and you are coward, is such a love worthy of fighting for?

　　i need you adventure, whatever danger you grant "building real commnunication" as, i need you balance the self-value of us both that make me confirm my love, make me trust the original one i love is still the same one.

　　other tortuous ways is rubbish, whatever reason you got.
　　1) no, you can't arrange such a topic as a test, you can't arrange such a topic to get my opinion "yes or no", it's totally wrong. remember there was a word "pray GOD let us away from test(even the test was arranged by GOD)", do you know why? there was sth. deep, deep knowledge about human nature. 【yes, somehow that's why i like Jehovah, he showed deep knowledge of human nature all the bad and good, and still had deep compassion to human being. he's great. maybe GOD did pour the largest amount "GOD" into several great people such as Jehovah, Sakyamuni... etc. all the great people in history had got a larger "GOD" in their souls than the common people. even if with GOD's mercy, everyone had some GOD in their own life, but those great people got more because of a GOD-favorite direction & way】
　　human nature is, we would die without bread & water & air. human nature is, you can't ask morality from a new-born baby, asked the baby give his milk to others, to save others life. human nature is, the baby would cry, cry, till he was satisfied with his food, he won't care others, even if somebody died because he give his food to the baby. human nature is, the baby even had no awareness to thank even if somebody give his own chance of life to the baby. etc.
　　..................human nature is, morality/spirit/mental life wasn't born to be in our material body. human nature need its material base.
　　if the baby grew up in a good-raise & education family, he had more chance to learn more good character, he might be a good boy(not absolute). if the baby was picked up by a robber, his childhood had spend on thief, he might be a bad boy(not absolute).
　　human nature also connect with mental base. morality need to be finished under some conditions of mental base.

　　give others and ourselves a sufficient base so that the morality can survive... is also an important morality. -------that's why "let us away from test".
　　there wasn't absolute morality. if we can push a test boundless, there wasn't a good man in the earth. death is not a extreme test. imagine, if gave love potion to a mankind's body, feed him with drug, try to change all the concepts with matching surroundings & neighbours, teach him kill people as KFC kill chicken every day, and nobody grant it as a crime, and make a phenonemon let him feel "to be killed is a heaven-like feeling"... 

　　enough.
　　whatever, don't test people. that's all. yes, we might meet dangers when we face human nature. but this kind of dangers is not only connected with "character inner", but also connect the "test" from all aspect in the real life, they aren't test on purpose, they are real fighting for different benefits & different understanding of this world. they are more cruel and more complicated, sometimes more easily. even if a people had passed your 8-year-test, it didn't mean he can pass others tests from the real life. a 40-year-marriage can fail finally, hadn't it so-called love/trust... other else so-called morality? yes, it did. but it failed. tons of these example in real life, ahaa?
　　it's the second time i talked about "you shouldn't test anyone".
　　if a test can be set by human being, you had lost it earlier in my test, or in GOD's test. but you didn't. the base that we can rely on is, the eager to those beautiful things such as love, health, happiness, beautiful enviroment... they exist in everyone anytime, even in a cold-bloody killer. the key is, if we had enough power to awake those beautiful emotion and turn into a proper way, a direction that everyone can share their own benefit by some proper way.

　　it's destined to meet all kind of danger while facing human nature, sometimes it was our own fault(the main part)---we didn't act in a proper way and caused so many worries and rebels...

　　not only such a test is wrong, also because it was useless, sallow---campared with the test from real life.
　　there's other ways to handle the dangers from human nature, a proper way. and on the other side, face and accept those danger that was born to accompany human nature is an important morality（let's pass this part, there was tons of explanation here）. however danger is one of the two basical motors of human being(another is ideal and eager for a better life).




　　2)don't expect i can get enough confidence from those tortuous ways.
maybe explain it in this way:

　　the 1st stage,
　　i trust anything you told me---------i trend to give complete trust to people.
　　until the trust met the challenge----without matching behavior/movement etc.

　　the 2nd stage,
　　the original trust had been partly damaged-------------the current status.
　　only when you give out the matching steps, otherwise i kept on doubting.
　　i was forced to struggle between doubts & trust, it was a painful war.
　　"forced" is because the both truth exist: the "trust" side owned its truth;  the "doubt" side owned its truth. they both compose a huge saw on the heart.

　　the 3rd stage,
　　a serious doubting stage--------------------right now.
　　in fact the amount of both truth(trust & doubt) didn't change, but because i was forced to the bottom line of human nature limits, it made everything trend to be negative, the "negative" owned a powerful support: time. a ridiculous "11 months" that not only sensitive heart-world rule, but also exceed the normal world logic & rules too much(well only the people work for you and those people know your real will would grant it as "necessary" and "i was the moody one").

　　let me use a example to explain the 3rd stage:
　　even if you stood by my side and shouted out "i love you", i won't run to you.
　　how do i know it wasn't a trick or i had misunderstood??
　　how about if you hug another one when i run to you??-----in this stage we can't assure what had happened in such a long-term heart-torture?? had love turned into hatred?? and the hatred turned into revenge?? how if you have had another one??

　　even if you broadcast the love song worldwild, i won't be touched.
　　you kept motionless when i need you at the most urgent moment, you'd rather see my heart die of cold. what the song can prove?? you love?? those stuffs that was exposed under a full safety(like a jewel to a millionair) can prove how much you love me?? even the whole world honor it, it was rubbish to me. in heart-world, only two status below can equal the heart: ① all of you including all fortunes, all safety... etc. the base is your life, that's why GOD would recieve a bread of beggar, and had no feel to a house that a millionair donate. because: a bread of beggar = his life = all of the millionair, much more than a donated house. ② when i need you. i need you only when my heart was in dangerous, at that time you save me even a samll movement such as stretch you hand when i was drawn, then you had saved my life. that can equal a heart, but not a worldwild CD can do. what's the use: while i'm dying for thirsty, if you gave me several drops then you can save me, you can easily do but you never even if i yelled help to you... such a long time; after i had died(declared i give up), you gave me a lake and feel proud of what you can give me, and think i should be proud of as you: sir, how much ignorant you are!! can i find a cloak for you that you had no earth people's heart knowledge?? but you have. when you faced the second lawsuit, you are so appreciate those people that came to show their cares to you such as frank. because... at that, you need it!! how much you need it!!you don't care those compliments while you are on the top of world, those compliments can't prove anything. but at that time a drop of water can save your heart, a drop of water equal everything. what a whole CD can prove at that time while i had died for thirsty??
　　the worries of "hatred & revenge" metioned below also showed that you know your current behavior is wrong, is selfish, only when you know it you would worried what it would cause.
　　so.... you are still an earth people, you got the knowledge of human being hearts, because you also have a heart inside. you do "know my heart as you know your heart" but you didn't "treat my heart as treat your own heart" (an old chinese saying)...

　　that's the serious results of playing heart-game, word-game, even if you do have a good will.

　　after having passed such a stage(3rd.)
　　your worries about "hatred & revenge" is much more serious than mine. because
　　i have no more that can lose after i had surpassed so much limits: the justice, the dignity, the worries about danger such as "be nuts"...
　　but you got tons of good reasons of "i might bear the hatred & revenge to you"...
　　you had been such a cautious person before that, now, with such worries, while you try to push next step, you need to certain i wasn't in a "hatred & revenge". how can you certain?? you can't, you can only judge on my behaviors, it means, i need to keep on expressing my emotion/love/missing... to give you confidence, make you certain.

　　it's so sad.
　　such a sad style you handle life/love/human nature... that's why you always mixed up the truth & false. you judged people on the appearence, you might give the chance to the malicious ones, they know how to please you, they spoiled the part that you can act under the double standards, without justice, they give you praise even if you act in this way,-----------but i say, sir, it wasn't your fault, it belongs to the normal human nature that "①we had to judge people according his behavior, ② we loved those people had 'tuned' with us", you can't rebel human nature on yourself, nobody can.

　　what i really want to say is, my intelligence basing on that i know i can't rebel the human nature, then i would try to avoid such a status. i don't think i could do a more excellent job while i stayed in your role. that's why, in love, from the very start i avoid the tortuous ways, i'd rather face you without disguise, i'd rather adventured the danger "be nuts", because there was no more danger bigger than "losing love" or "losing the self-value self-regard whatever you lose or win in love".
　　how about you??

　　you had pushed yourself into such a status：
　　1st mistakes is, now you had to work out if i bear the hatred & revenge or not firstly, then you can have courage & confidence to push into next step. at the same time, i had forced to an extreme of human nature so that i had no ability & courage to keep the atmosphere you need.
　　2nd mistakes is, after i had left orkut, had declared "give up", the whole situation turned much worse, according your character and my consuming out, we can judge, this love is hopeless to succeed after i do give up 29th. this month.


　　now, the whole thing still have hope that you can do easily, you don't. you can't foresee the harder situation in future, you'd rather insist the present benefit: a little safety, or other else.
　　when someday we both cried in the hell, you might blame on me: i had no enough fortitude to insist this love, and you had done a lot, i was the one that break your heart... would you feel better in such a way??
　　what the sadest is, even if everyone around you said in this way, you said to yourself in this way, it's useless, it can't stop the energy turning into the sharpest sword under our chest. it wasn't my spell, it was the truth, and now, there is a present example that i told you several days ago. it did thrill me.







　　-------------
　　2nd. day


　　maybe i should apologize for lose control like nuts, maybe not.

　　in fact i espect the nuts in love.

　　and i also know, the most hurt in love is not to act like nuts but to act like a cold-bloody creature. so...
　　i'm sure you had a deep feeling about my heat. sometimes it was called "hot", yes, so hot.

　　but i do doubt if i'm really so hot.
　　i always grant myself calm and firm like a iron, careless to mundane affair. once i was knocked down on ground by a car, my bike flied several meters away, the driver shivered at first then turned into abuse while i stood up myself without any hurt, i think he might be afraid of my asking compensation so that he'd rather blame on me firstly... i threw a glance on him, adjusted my bike, rode away without one word.

　　at that time, i was still young, 20 years.
　　i found later in my mundane life, that whether people lost temper or not depended on how many benefit they might get. well it was not my style.
　　people are checking the window shades in my office, yesterday i pulled it down... my boss came up to give a compassive glance to the shades.

　　.............however, there must be sth. wrong.

　　when i said the danger that i might be granted as nuts, it refers to the possible pressure brought by public gossip.
　　but in love the nuts is a truth. it means, every nerves was dragged to an extreme status. so that we had seen tons of "break up" & "mend fence" story between lovers, like crazy roller coaster ahha?? to the viewer, it's total a drama-play that waste too much energy, useless, ridiculous, unnecessary. but to the actors, it was the most serious thing in this world, because your heart might be bombed into pieces like in a mine field anytime.

　　"nuts" in love got their reason, the danger is real to the heart.
　　the normal people outside the love, kept a rational logic to the world.
　　① both makes sense.
　　② both were in a different world, the different suit for different rules.
　　③ both can't persuade each other, you can't make me use your world's rules, it can't work in my world.

　　somehow it's why we can't use a team in love, only "1 heart VS 1 heart" can work.
　　you made my heart facing two sides pressure. one side, i need to understand your slightest worries about my identity, my emotion, even my gender. whatever how much times i had told you myself directly, i still need to repeat again and again... well it doesn't matter, i can understand because... i'm the same, we both were in the same world, in this world we worked right on the heart. it got energy above tenfold the normal level, it can heal a person's all past, it also got sensitive above tenfold the normal level, its power match the care it needs, its harm match its feat. another side, i was forced by the normal morality of the normal world, i need to neglect the heart's hurt and losing-balance-feeling for matching your plan. if i can notice the slightest ripple/hurts of your heart, for sure i would have the same sensitivity to my heart; if i use the heart-world rule facing this love, for sure i can't use another normal-world rule at the same time even though both had no mistake in their working space.
　　can you understand, you make me sinking into a status that i might be blamed by two world's rules, be punished by two world's anger because i didn't work according the rules i should obey. it's obvious that your people do think i'm a moody one, but they won't blame on you even your worries was more ridiculous than mine. when you fell into worries, they would try hard to work the truth out; when i fell into worries with much more rational reason than yours(ＸＸ!!), they just felt i caused troubles again, i spoiled a smooth-pushing-forward plan again.........all is because they work for your benefit, and their job is connected their own hugh benefit such as making life for the whole family etc.

　　benefits always make people blind.

　　that's another reason why a couple would blame on each other into a mess, even though they all are the master of marolity in talking, but those "marolity in talking" work nothing in real life. not only "work nothing", used morality for our own benefits agaist others' benefits, that morality but also disgust people, make people feel cold---for sure what's the worth while the morality had turned into a tool of benefit?? sometimes to face and talk benefits directly is much warmer than talking morality.
　　benefits made people can't work under the principle of identity, but work under the double-standard--------------it was born because of human nature, the self-protection work here, nobody can rebel his own human nature. the double-standard would offend me, for sure i would be very sensitive on this part, not only the knowledge i owned on heart-world, but also because the people in love would be very sensitive on heart-offending firstly. we can't rebel human nature, what we can do just to avoid the unfair status: only 1 heart VS 1 heart.

　　however i respect the nuts in love.
　　and love. the "i" in a normal work that is very good at normal logic respect the "i" in love. compared the difference between both, i do admire GOD's great world. just because i know the "i" love, so i can understand the others in love even if how ridiculous it seemed when i was outside love, i can finally catch the rules of heart-world.
　　i was not born to be a expert on heart, i did feel they(those lovers) acted so ridiculous before i know love. now i had catched the knowledge of heart, i would never lose it. i won't obsever a people in heart-world with normal-world rules, i won't asked a normal-world people acting as the one in heart-world. because of my job, i need to reach a lot hard collaboraiton(such as you need to persuade people work together for a daydream that wasn't destined to success), all belongs to the normal-world, i would work on the heart-world, actiate the passion of chasing dream firstly...
　　that's it.

　　thanks the knowledge that i was given because of love, be loved.
　　once i had owned, i won't lose it again.
　　what make me feel sad is, everybody in his life had been given such chances to get the knowledge of heart & the deepest human nature, but as long as they stood outside their own love/their own heart, they would lose this knowledge. because... it would be good for keeping their own benefits with the "losing" while facing others hearts. so... it's not only a problem of "knowledge", but also a problem of "morality & character". some character would help us open eyes and know this world clearly, because this kind of knowledge needs courage(or other else good character) to know. 

　　i'm aware of what i'm facing clearly. what you make me face.
　　if i can do, i would.
　　but i'm so worry of my earth peopl ability, in addition i have had a fail, now the failure continued, it might drag a writing genius into a heart-abyss. however while the anger passed, i confirmed my opinion that the current status can't lasted. whatver.
 
　　it need to be stopped.
　　i need to stop caring your stuffs including reading the moron topic and the fans forum, avoided pushing myself into another limit of human nature.
　　without the real communication(the bottom line) all these only disgust me, as to i would explode like a losing-control-volcano.
　　i need to plug myself out of the heart-world, let the rules of heart-world won't work on me, --------that's the core of that i need to give up if the current status had no any change.