一、领导的困境与艺术

SIR，“听从意见”从来不是一件容易的事。

1，从人性本身来说，听从意见从来不是一件容易的事。是因为，我们头脑本身已形成的概念、看法… 和他人有差别。除非你没有头脑，否则，10000人面对同一件事、会形成10000个看法。孩子看到草莓画会想吃，家庭主妇想到它在超市的价格，恋人想起对方的红唇… 这种“由于个体而形成的差异”在某个角度正是成就“人类这种伟大生物：善于思考、具有创造力”的源泉，而不是由于统一性而成为机器。

2，从利益来说，听从意见则是一种“不可能”的事。虽然条条道路通罗马，但是我的利益在A道，你的利益在B道… 即使双方都有道路，但在利益问题是一种“绝对死敌”。也因此，由于利益问题，在世间唯一可通行的道路就是“妥协的C道”---它同时照看A和B道的利益。只有C道不会产生你死我活的战争。这也是为什么“听从意见从来不是一件容易的事”，它不仅要解决第一点中“头脑中的认识问题”，也要解决利益的问题。

HONEY，利益本身永远不是一桩需要被谴责的事。
人性有一条：自己的利益，永远看上去甜如草莓、洁白如天使；而他人利益，永远看起来“不合道德、自私、黑乎乎或至少沾满尘土”… 事实上，利益是我们活于这世上的基本（包含物质利益和精神利益），最基本的物质利益是“我们这具肉体的生存”---你不可以抢夺我的生命、用于你的一己之私，精神利益则包括“人为一口气而活”“听你的还是听我的”… 等等，它们包含一切好和坏。
对群体生存来说，无论物质利益或精神利益，从来没有“谁的利益更高尚”，只有BETTER C道-------如何更好、更妥善地照顾“各种不同利益方向各种人”的利益，也就是指“什么是最好的妥协”。

这是为什么，军队在一个程度上必须是一种“愚众团体”，而战争在一个角度上必然是一个“欺骗艺术”。人的最大利益就是生命，无论对自己还是亲朋，而军队执行一个任务需要以生命为代价、同时战争的高度划一（要求如同机器一样精确）也要求人们砍掉“独立、自由思考”的部分，哪怕你得出符合战争需要的结论、也没办法给你思考和动摇的时间，军队和战争要求，当它说，“趴下！”---你立刻得趴下，“射击！”---你立刻得射击… 对手军队也如此，纪律不好的一方就会输。而输的代价包含生命，因此一旦你卷入军队和战争的游戏，你也只能成为机器来试图保存性命。
军队… 是一种绝大部分为机器，只有少数的头脑部分是人性化的---拥有独立和自由思考权利。在一支军队里，人性化程度由下往上递增，比如希特勒拥有最完整的人性和人类权利；机器化程度由上往下递减，比如一个小排长，要求他的整支排去作“旅饵”，这样的死路一条他也只能去执行（当然上级也许会有意隐瞒一部分）。
无论是一支必胜的军队、还是一支失败的军队，对个体、对人类生命来说，都意味着巨大的牺牲：生命，和意志。对于战争和军队，人性被抹煞的程度是一切人类活动中最高的。

你看，军队倒是挺听从意见的--------如果你是希特勒，你会对这种“听从意见”心满意足。
但如果你是排长？或旅长，师长，军长？你就是我心上人、我活在世间的唯一依靠、我丈夫、我儿子、我父亲… 谁需要这种“听从意见”？

何况战争以外的其他人类活动，比如商业、比如行政管理… 人的独立自由思考空间要大得多，这意味着：1）“听从意见”变得更困难，2）但这种困难，从长远和整体来看，它比战争保全了更多的人性和人类利益：生命的、个人意志空间的（这是一种重要利益）…
这直接地决定了：

领导，成为一个团体的领导，有多么困难。
1，它本身就不是一种“战争与军队”的人类活动，它留给“个人的独立自由思考空间”要大得多。
2，然后你要克服每个人头脑中的意志之门、去进入其中。
3，然后你还得妥协协调各方各人利益，得到道路C，你才有进入之门。EG，在一个公司里，作为老板给员工发放工资，那么，C道是已经设定好的，即：你得工资，我得到你上班时间内的意志空间---我要你干啥就干啥。在工厂里，这种设定相对容易得多；而在报社里，当目标及其完成手段/过程…复杂化，这时，只有那些开动脑筋做选题的员工、才能做出好报纸，才能赚钱，这时这种设定本身也产生了复杂的内部反应。那么，成为一个好的领导就变得相当困难了：
1）至少，你得为那些“有足够的独立自由思考能力、能把报纸做更好”的员工留出一定量的独立自由思考空间。
2）你本身的思考，要不停地遭遇到“员工们独立自由思考”的冲击，它导致：你对自身能力的质疑（也许比你更优秀的头脑成为了你的员工），你对自身品格的考验（你够胸怀去承认这个事实吗，你够阔大去“让别人的智慧在你的事业里大放光彩并博得掌声”吗），这种品格也包括你有足够耐心和毅力吗：当人性决定了“我们背诵100次才能记住一篇文章），更高的品格要求还包括平衡的艺术，承担的艺术…

人性是这样的：
如果你和我智力相等、品格相等，我反悔、你也反悔，那么凭什么你领导我？
OK，你是BOSS，你发工资、所以我承认你领导，但工余时间我还是不承认你丫比我强。
只有当我软弱而你不软弱，我背信弃义而你不，我自私而你无私… 我才打心眼里承认你的领导，---即使这样，我仍然会抱怨你：当我的利益受损（物质和意志），当谈论你批评你会得到一定的精神快感（精神利益）。
什么人，我们是不抱怨的？-------------耶酥基督，已死的圣人们。他们主要避免了一点：绝不会让我们的生存利益受损，而议论他们（无论从正反）却让我们得到精神利益。

这样看来，
第一，当BOSS的困境是显而易见、而且不可避免了，这首先来自于人们对自身利益的保存---不允许“身旁有活着的耶酥基督”，更何况事实上象薇依、甘地、德兰修女那样活着的人…真是很少有，象电影《音乐之声》里的女教师也不多见。并且从人性和人类的利益整体来说，这种困境来自于对“个人独立自由思考空间”的一种保存，
第二，当BOSS的困境也来自于它的难度，BOSS必须穿越的众人意志之墙、众人利益之墙。
第三，当BOSS所遭遇的阻力不一定是坏事---前提是、如果你有足够能力来“从阻力提取营养”。一个有趣的例子是，当一个家庭耗尽所有财力和人际关系、来为孩子争取到一个贵族学校的学籍，而孩子却因为搞古怪科学实险、破坏校内公物而被开除了，这个家庭会气得发疯，在激烈矛盾冲突中孩子离家出走… 一桩坏事发生了；但如果是、孩子因为好奇、而拆开了一台玩具、想研究它的内部结构，母亲在了解孩子的意图、而损失不大（一个玩具而已）的情况下，会理性行事，先鼓励孩子的科学精神、找老师来讲解，同时解释一下“科学课程在哪儿上、哪儿有可拆御的科学用具、而不是胡乱拆除父母用血汗钱买的玩具或别人因好意而送的礼物…”这样，事情就会有一个良性发展。SIR，DO YOU NOTICE THAT 两件事有一个基本前提：损失是你可以负担的吗？你能从损失或阻力中获得更大价值（比起损失）吗？比如孩子的科学兴趣，它就是一种“价值与收获”，它的价值大于一个玩具，却小于一个好学校的学籍（如果每个好学校都因为这个前科而不收录你、那是多大的损失？）

根据这个利益与损失原则，BOSS的行为准则就很明确了：当一个员工的建议是以“铲除整个事业为代价（比如工厂污染环境）”，则BOSS无论如何会拼命抵抗（一般BOSS都会这样做，好点的BOSS会改良技术等），当一个员工的建议是安装先进生产线，虽然旧生产线的废弃是一种损失，但从总体得失来看是“有利”，则BOSS们会考虑接纳。
以上是BOSS的基本行为准则，在超出这准则之外、还有BOSS本身的任性与混乱… SIGH，这则是需要克服的。


所以HONEY，你既然要当个BOSS，对于不可避免的困难你就甘之如饴吧。而且你也必须不断提升能力，才能在更大更快的奔跑中，不被这些不可避免的困难绊住、倒地（这属于一种承担艺术：你就得承担提高你自己的责任，否则你跌倒了、天理不在你这里）。

二、天使与魔鬼的培养皿


SIR，我们曾经谈到过：环境造就人；如果你打造了某个环境，那么对于“从这环境中成长起来或受影响的人与事”，你就是他们的神；通过打造环境，你可以打造天使，也可以打造魔鬼。
伸延点去说，就是：我们所打造的环境，替我们生产赞美者、支持者，也生产仇恨者、敌人。

在实际的、对世俗事务的运作中，如果我们象个将军一样行事，一个指令、追加一个修正指令、再追加一个相反指令，导致“执行难度变高、执行者不停挫败（实际业绩和意志）、而失败责任皆由执行者承担”---并最终导致执行者所付出的多于他得到的…
则：
1）我们是在强力剥夺执行者的“独立自由思考空间”，还有情感空间，2）与此同时，这并非战争环境（缺乏战争那种“一旦卷入军队和战争的游戏，也只能成为机器来试图保存性命”的绝对压力），人们不在这里打工、可以去那里，不追逐这个偶像就追逐其他的，二者相加，则人们会反抗这种“强力剥夺”-------是的：谁不希望自己正确？谁不希望自己有发表意见并得到尊重的空间？… 而每个人的意见都是那么的不一样！

上述为意志利益。如果在意志利益中，再加上物质利益的损失，那么这种矛盾冲突就会变大。

如果在这种矛盾冲突中，我们坚持自己是对的、他人都错误（来自于人性中：自己的利益，永远看上去甜如草莓、洁白如天使；而他人利益，永远看起来“不合道德、自私、黑乎乎或至少沾满尘土），我们抹去“冲突的利益本质”、把它形而上为“真理”高度，那么我们会剥夺掉自我对于生存、对于世界的信心（这一点是信心之旅的内容），那么：
这种矛盾冲突将进一步扩大为“我们内部世界的争斗”。

三重利益的争夺与冲突，不仅在将军、也在士兵身上发生着：一步步地升级着“现实中的利益冲突”，则魔鬼和天使随之诞生。则我们所打造的环境、一步步地打造着我们的支持者、我们的敌人…
所以，在现实生活中，成为一个好的BOSS、优秀BOSS是多么不简单的一件事。他必须同时抵抗来自外部世界的机械化运作、来自周围人们的意志风暴、来自自身内部风暴… 的全面侵袭。而在这种全面侵袭，他需要保持一个适度的步伐，他所打造的环境是有益于“诞生天使的”、有益于“产生我们的支持者、而不是敌人”。


-------------------想想，我们需要克服多少任性、克服多少个人意志、而多去考虑他人意志与利益，才能得到这个“适度步伐”和“适当的环境”？HONEY，这就是BOSS的代价，这是为什么我从不愿开创什么事业，因为我不愿意被关在“个人意志与群体利益互相争夺的夹肉机里”---除非给我一个充分的理由（SIGH，如果和你在一起、这是必要的，反正财富追求和个人利益对我不构成足够理由）。
FOR SURE，对于你，是否成为一个BOSS是基本没有选择的---在当前情势中。这是为什么有一次当你在ORKUT问“退休好吗”，我做了一个非常严肃的回答：退休远远不是一个“不表演”的问题，它是一个全方位的问题。

简单的环境，便于打造小天使、小魔鬼---再坏的孩子也是逗我们哈哈一笑的孩子。
高温高压的环境，打造三种人：极恶者，经过烈火考验的钻石玫瑰（钻石天使），和绝大部分的逃避者---PEOPLE MIGHT CROWNED IT IN THE NAME OF 普通生活，HMM SOMETIMES。
对一般人的生活而言，成为一个BOSS、也就是把自个扔进一个“更高温高压的环境”里；温压随着BOSS的尺寸而有所不同。

很显然，你那样的BOSS，意味着温压极大的环境。HONEY，这就非常考验你的品格、能力和… 一切其他品质。1）是难度非常大，2）再大的难度也逃不掉“BOSS行为准则和原则”的必然因果，而且它是公平的---如果你摔跤，它公平在于：如果没有那么大能力、就不要去做那么高难度的事；或者是，如果你要任性、如果你要放任个人意志，那么你就承担被这一堆麻绳绊倒的可能-----------是的，成为你那样一个BOSS，意味着四肢捆上麻绳来做一场赛跑。

----------------那么，你如果没有更高的能力去跑，那么你就跌倒；或者你如果任性、一定要实现你自个的意志，那你也会跌倒。

比如这次的Rescheduled事件，或者是你团队订日期时、没有预留出现场排练时间；或者是你的求完美心切，一定要推迟…
无论是哪一种原因，对4场的6万之众，他们的实际利益受损是一种事实，那么在他们中失去信用、支持和其他，以及更多的人群由此而对你产生的品格疑惑等，包括媒体的诋毁… 都是这个原则下的结果。
 

三、信心之旅

SIR，在这一团乱麻的Rescheduled事件里，我关注什么呢？WELL，也许我关注一切，如果一切能圆满---当然最好。如果不能呢？
我们首先关注什么？我们首先确保什么---在一地的粉碎里？

我希望…
你能看到一切困难的因和果，哪怕最深重的黑暗、你也能透过黑暗本体看到它赖以产生的母体---也许不是那么黑，也许五光十色，也就是光本身（但它有一个演化过程）… 人的本性是这样的，如果这困难是我们一手铸造、我们就不那么痛恨惩罚、惩罚所带来的“黑暗人生”的感觉就不那么重（这种本性在小孩身上看得最清楚），简单地说，1）“黑”如果是我们的责任、我们就不觉得它太黑暗，2）如果我们有能力透视、去看到黑暗后面的光明，我们也不觉得太黑暗… 这是为什么我一直在强调事物的因果联系，一直在强调你自身的责任… 
因为我不希望你、一发生问题就觉得人性黑暗、社会黑暗、世界黑暗… 我希望你永远看得到亮光，看得到“世界始终是值得为之努力和奋斗的，而人们也始终是值得交往的”，希望你了解“如果你用更好的、更正确的方式来处理问题，你会看到不一样的风景，原来看到的黑暗完全可以是一片光明---如果以正确之道去执行”。

OK，如果你一定要采取你的方式，一定要先保全自身的意志（有时），那么你也能看到“黑暗的追踪而来”有它自身的道理，如果你同意这“情有可原”、同意“你必须为固执己见付出的代价”、同意这惩罚… 那么你也不会觉得世界很黑暗。

-----------------------------这是我的视界里、我认为“唯一的、必须做的事件”。


就单个事件来说，我其实不太在意它的结果。
1）人生就是拿来经历的 ：P
2）粉丝确实有很大损失，幸好它是身外物。这损失还能承担得起。
3）粉丝们为这损失而责备你、你的支持者为此失望… SIR你该摔的跤、就摔吧。第一，摔跤就是成长的方式，象我父亲那样总希望他的人生经验可以让我们不摔跤、最好当上国家总理，先不说他的人生经验有多少价值，但这种想法就是不对、不成立的；第二，这一跤你也承受得起，第三，我当然还是会预先提醒你这一跤的可能后果… 但一切要最终交给你自己去决定，你的人生是你的，这是我们“生而为人”的基本权利，任何人都不得以“对错”来阻止我们行使“经历人生”的权利。that's my point


在这个POINT、在我的首要唯一目标（信心之旅）的基础上，我抱有疑问：没有比Rescheduled Dates更好的处理方法了？
1）粉丝们的金钱损失和信心损失（保持对你的信心，对有的粉丝很可能是精神生活的重要环节）能不发生、最好不发生，---虽然人生是用来经历的，而且不追逐这个偶像就追逐那个；
2）你的损失（由粉丝损失而带来的信用损失… 等等）… 虽然一切困难都终将解决，但少一个不比多一个好？容易点解决，不比困难好？
3）现场排练… 呃你都排练一辈子了、四天排练它到底会有多少的效果？这四天的所得和“付出的代价与损失”成正比吗？HONEY，这是一个聪明的交易吗？如果、其实这四天并不发生多大作用，仅仅是你心理上需要它作为一种保障？就我观察，虽然头几场由于媒体关注率高、而拥有其重要性，但长远地看，在你的演出历史上、谁记住了哪些场次是的开场演出？NO，人们只记得了最精彩的那些场次。所以，也许“越演越好才是最重要的”。

是“头几场的重要性”优先，还是在“越演越好”的基础上、保住你对粉丝们的信用… 只要考虑清楚这个问题，然后做一个决定、你就无论如何不会太后悔这个决定。问题清楚，答案自然清楚。清楚的答案并不等于“必然正确的答案”---尤其当“正确与否，是根据利益得失来衡量”时，尤其当这种衡量相当含混或无法在短时间内真正衡量出来，所以，关键是“答案清楚”，而你不会后悔是另一个关键。


而关键中之关键是，敢做敢当，不因此影响你对自我、对世界和人群的信心，与光明。

whatever it's power-exchanging, love-abusing, devil-in-humannature... whatever it's, it's overdone a bit, don't you think so?

in a love relationship/affair, if the active/bright power is the major part, then we allow some destroying/denying(...etc.) power such as above as some kind of useful transfer that cause more energy, as the salt in a fishing-soup, the salt made it more sweet.
but if those destroying/denying(...etc.) power always occupy the major part, it will destroy everything whatever trust or love or passion... etc. like a famous film "bitter moon".

notice the pause on your concert?
a long long pause as power-transfer is about to cause more energy, but it did have its own major active precondition: it was in a concert, and the concert had begun... people know the waiting is useful/limited. --------------don't forget the active/bright power as the major part, as the precondition.
 
there's the same rule in our emotion.
as of now, there wasn't a active/bright power as the major part/as the precondition in my waiting. if you insist on play such waiting-falling-game, it would cause so many serious problems. actually it had. in the past 2 years, we experiemented so much cracking-up on both side.
we can stick to each other, sometimes it did ascribe to GOD's favor.
last night, at dawn 5 o'clock, when i look outside through the window, my Cross fell down from the necklace. i can't find it everywhere when i wake up morning... i think i had lost it... it was so lucky finally while i watered my flowers, i found it lying on the small stonebroad in front of my windows----------think about it, it was highly possible that the Cross fell down to below, lost forever.
don't you thing it was a serious warm from... some unknown power?

it seems so easy......
each time i jumped across the Physiological hurdles... each time it seems your tricks did succeeding on deepening my love to you. it wasn't the truth. our advancing emotion/love never ever attribute to these silly tricks(actually they only cause withdrawing so many times). in fact it attributes to your advancing and mine. so many times i was pushed to the edge of forever-leaving(off the painful abyss), only because of some unknown chance(maybe GOD's favor), i forced myself exceeding the limit to find a way for love.
you do know how hard it was, don't you?
just think of your almost cracking-up after conference; or in the past years, each time a new doubt showing-up to you(such as i played fun with robert on awoo's orkut),  you was pushed into the hell........

it is love, honey.
love's power, destroying power, working on our heart.
this 2-year-emotion, in my aspect, i always try to keep the active/bright power as the major part. even though sometimes i was forced to leave temporarily by the pain, i would tell you why and the key of breaking deadlock.
in your aspect, the power is active/bright at the beginning, then it kept on turning into the destroying/denying(...etc.) direction because of your way. just before you tell me the truth in the moron thread, this love had come to such a hard status: every sight i cast to orkut or forum, i feel strong uncomfort, as i was stared by a huge abyss that can absorb all the lights, as i was peeped by the snake-hair Medusa that every sight might turn me into fossil.
it was never ever worthy of a penny praise------------these tricks if you don't put it into a huge active/bright major power.

such a great pleasure while you advance a step toward the active/bright direction.
but it wasn't enough, honey.
to me, everything is still in the imagine, never ever reach to the bottom-line. i only push it forward depending on my trust/the never-die love, i try to feed the dying part any hope i can catch------though it was still some kind of imagination/fantasy/conclusion/blur testimony...... the major power didn't turn into the active/bright direction indeed------because you never give me any real testimony,  even a call, a postcard, a email... with full of your name.
so............................
don't play overdone at this moment. my heart can't bear too much. if you did love me as my... conclusion, it was more dangerous to yourself. like a silly child try to poke a nestle on 10000 watts without enough protection.

i never try to change your childish part, the childlike trait---------i do know the real value in human naturn.
but now, at this moment, in our love, honey, please, just control yourself a bit, whatever however. give up temporarily the funs you feel in this way. i promise, you would never lost these funs after we had been together or it had reached my bottom-line(the whole direction is to toward a diretion that the active/bright power as a majoy power, as precondition). i was born to be the type of person loving funs, trust me, you won't lose these happy time and funs, i promise more.

in the current status, each time if my leaving had exceeded your predictive control, then you had been hurted so much, so panic--------------is it? but i didn't make it on purpose. each time i had to try my best to jump over the Physiological limit to push------just think about how hard it might be, remind yourself the "you" after conference.
in fact i can't ever seen any "your power" in such a status: you always try to win every inch space in will/emotion paying/passion expressing/complete assurance of love/firm promise/total safety-feeling...etc. and try to dodge giving me any assured love/emotion/promise, then you always push me/my love into a dying-status because of unbalance, because i kept on paying without being paid. then, each time i was so desperated as to try to leave finally, you would have turned into real panics and huge pains, but you still have no enough courage to a facing fighting with these desperation, you always used all kinds of little tricks, then i had to try again---jumped over my bleeding heart, my never be fed enough love(it craved for the equal courage/trust), come to you again, come to a crying baby-man......... sir, where's your power in such a procedure? or you do trust it succeed on your tricks? what i can see in such a procedure is the magic of love-power, it pushed me across so much Physiological limit, waiting for your complete-growing-up. a long painful waiting. what i see is how your power was robbed again and again, you sank into self-denying again and again... maybe we can say the destroying is the first step of rebuilding.......... but when when? i asked GOD, would it finish before love still alive with passion?

 

honey

play funs is ok,
suitable love-abusing is ok too,
exchanging power in a love-relationship is good if we use it in a proper way...
but not now, not this way, not before you can build up the active/bright direction/power as the major part in my heart, not before you reach my bottom-line.

　　MSN弹出来的信息（lose 9 pounds, only paid 5 pounds）是你发的吗？

　　你真叫我痛苦。
　　每次看到这些LITTLE TRICKS，我就万分痛苦：

　　一是你逼我对这些无影踪的事情做出回应，而在正常的逻辑里，只有疯子和心智不正常者（比如痴迷狂恋的粉丝）才会去做出回应。但我还是回应了，每次都回应了，每次我都：1）先强行把自己推入“类疯子”的心理状态，2）然后，我必须提前说明“这是我的猜测”，我的一切推理和说服都基于一个“可能虚假的基础”（要一个人承认他/她可能疯了、可能虚假了，然后对全世界发表爱的声明…那是多痛苦的事），3）每次在我回应后，赢来的还是沉默（你可能在背后感到满足，但你不表达出来），结果是，我的“类疯”和“虚假”可能性变得更大了，我被迫担起一个“我是真疯了的”更大可能性。

　　长期以往啊，你知道我有多痛苦？

　　二是，HONEY，我对你的品格是有要求的，不是没有要求的。每次当我克服自我、面向全世界、向你裸露我的心时，你以为我是天生就有无穷无尽的勇气？-----------不是的，可我克服了；由于爱情，我要求你表达出同等的勇气。

　　我的勇气是这样的：
　　当你在全世界面前FISHING ME、当我宣读爱宣言时、当我被你摔得在全世界面前趴下来、当粉丝论坛的马甲拿这一跤来开玩笑/来发出满足的叹息“FRUSTRRTED”……在流血的不仅有我的爱情、还有我粉碎在全世界的尊严、当这粉碎被人拿来开玩笑则它又粉碎得更深……CAN YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT’S THAT FEELING HONEY？如果说，我敢冒着“尊严在全世界面前摔碎的风险”来表达爱，是第一层勇气。
　　那么，在这种事情发生后，我不把它转变为憎恨，既不因此认为人世太黑暗（这也是一种憎恨），也不去憎恨你（是的，伤口是你给的，但怎么解释“这伤口的产生”是另一个问题---它才是导致爱或恨的根源，而不是伤口本身），我顶多就是离开你、回到阳光中舔我的伤口，用阳光和一切美好的/有创造力的事物/一切生的乐趣……来疗伤。这是第二层勇气。
　　第三层勇气是，如果我再次相信了你的爱，我就回头、继续爱你、继续给你伤害我的机会，----你说这种事循环了多少次？

　　而你的勇气呢？
　　第一层做得到吗？--------------在全世界面前、冒着不知道尊严是否会被摔碎的危险来表达爱情？
　　第二层做得到吗？--------------万一受伤了、真的被摔碎了，不要灰心、不要憎恨、回到阳光中，继续寻找爱？
　　第三层做得到吗？--------------给摔碎你的那个人再次机会、再去爱那个摔碎你心的人？

　　我好痛苦，我需要你能做到对等的勇气、我才不痛苦。
　　每次你用TRICKS来先确定一切，才小心翼翼地出发，这点让我极度痛苦。不仅仅你对爱情的回报让我如此痛苦，你对勇气的回报也让我非常痛苦。

　　我对你的要求，从来就不是什么天皇巨星的要求，而是一个地球人对爱人的要求。
　　说实话，不管你一生、你未来还要取得什么成就，对爱情来说，就算你把一千张全球最畅销唱片都赠予我，那都不算什么---比起我要求你补足“缺失的勇气和爱的表达”，以及信任。对于爱人，后者才真正可贵的。前者，你有成就、我当然很高兴、为你感到自豪，而且你这方面的表现是我观察并喜爱你的重要窗口；但我会更高兴我自己的成就，更高兴你会因为我的成就而自豪（你也一样）---你看，成就感应当是这样去作用于一对情侣的。
　　难道这种爱情不更好吗---我不因为完美而爱你，你有缺点、并令我痛苦、但我没有因你不完美而不爱---我有强大的爱的能力，发动爱的能力，包括我虽然不要求完美、但当你令我痛苦、我要求你修正并进步，------这不是很健康的爱情、很好吗？



　　HONEY，如果我指责你“一点没表现勇气、完全没勇气”那也是不公正的，我知道：第一，你的包袱还是比我这方面要大得多了、沉重得多；第二，你所做的、已经做出，已经表现了巨大的勇气。我是真的、真的想紧紧拥抱你，跟你说“不要怕”，跟你说“你太勇敢了”，跟你说“你是我的NO.1”……
　　每次想到这些，YOU ARE MELTING MY HEART。这是一方面。
　　另一方面，它不能抵扣上述的痛苦。SIR，我对爱不会改变，也没有改变，但我需要你改变上述“令我痛苦”的那些方面。

　　我这次被你摔在了等待的门坎上，太痛了，我的心一直都在滴血。
　　刚才看到了MSN那个…我就更痛了（想到爱和勇气的回报都是如此不对等、想到我对你的要求、对爱的要求）。
　　然后现在我还要再冒“疯人院”的可能性、来这样对你说话，我的疼痛变得无与伦比了。

　　被你摔在门坎上-----------已经让我失去了信心和勇气、再去关注ORKUT和论坛。在我的经验里，那里面全是有毒的钩子，就等我上钩，然后在全世界面前摔掉我的自尊和爱。而我之所以会上钩，是因为“愿者上钩”，这愿望来自我对爱情的希望。加起来意味着什么？意味着，因为你对爱情抱着希望、所以你才会傻傻上钩、并一次次被摔碎。
　　我是多聪明的人啊。
　　世间的事，无一不在我的估计中，一切好的坏的我都估计到了，包括上钩以前、可能会被你的恶作剧与孩子气再次伤到心脏，我也估计到了：从第一天的等待失败，我已经预算到了第二、三天的可能失败，但我还是毫无保留去等待了，果然，你就象第一天那样、连续三天把我摔在了门坎了。----------爱的血腥气让你那么快乐和满足，因为既证明了你对我的主宰、也让你得到了你想要的答案。AHHHHH，MY DEAR BABY-MAN…

　　我们现在面临的问题是：
　　“YOU MELTING MY HEART”的部分，仍然只是一个臆测，仍然被囚禁在“可能的疯人院”里，没有盖上最后的确认的图章。只有它被确认后、它才能真正的“MELTING MY HEART”、真正的成为温暖我心的一个基础，它会是一个“让我确认你的爱、回报你的爱”的永恒坚实的基础。---客观地说，这次的WAITING GAME，使这部分成为“疯人院”的可能性又升高了很多。
　　勇气的部分。我非常需要你“冒一次‘不知道答案’的风险，直接面对我表达爱”，至少一次。我需要平衡这里面的勇气落差。这个冒险也包含了这样的问题：你到底对我有多大信任？你对爱情有多强烈的争取的决心---哪怕我刮你一耳光？在我用两年的言行来证实过我的品格后，如果你还不能信任、你得反省一下你的“缺乏信任感”到底是来自别人/社会还是来自于你的弱点？如果有这弱点，那是为什么？是天生太没有安全感，还是后天经验让你如此没有安全感，还是你的权势空间纵容了你“不必锻炼冒险的勇气、而一味寻求绝对安全”？HONEY，IS IT WORTHY OF ASKING YOURSELF？
　　也因此，我要求你冒一次险，不仅是要求勇气方面的平衡，我也要求信任方面的平衡---当我一次次被你摔碎、仍然会继续爱，它不仅仅是爱情本身的要求（不爱会太痛苦），也包括我对你品格的信任---事情再怎么糟、我的心再怎么破碎，我不会把它想得太坏。
　　你唯一要冒的风险是：我有没有因此痛苦和破碎而怨恨你？我会拒绝你吗？我会因为你给我难看、我也给你难看吗？

　　你要冒的风险，有一个基础，就是两年来我所表现出的品格。基于这个基础，你来评估；此外，我想反问你一点，如果我真要报复你，我会采取什么样的方式呢，甜蜜蜜是否更好些？……一切都需要你自己去评估。
　　“有一颗相信的心”，这是粉丝论坛上常说的，SIR，我做到了、你自己真的做得到吗？你信任我吗？既使爱中有恨，你仍然信任爱吗？你还信任阳光吗，即使有黑夜？你能克服“被一次次粉碎的自我”去信任吗？

　　MOAN，我的心一直在流血。因为以疯人院的方式再次对你、在全世界面前公开说话，我每敲下一个字都觉得血在流。
　　HONEY，AS FAST AS YOU CAN。我需要你爱的证明、勇气的证明，速度是一个关键；正如在大审判中的支持，哪怕一张简单的明信片，都是一种稀罕的、珍宝般的可贵证明，远胜于你当红时/台下的一大片疯狂和痴迷，胜于它们百倍、千倍。只有雪中，炭才是一种温暖，你若等我血流尽了/我自己平衡过来/你认为我怒气消尽了/你甚至等我自己再凑过来了。。。。。。。。。。。那么，SIR，它会变成这样：

　　一方面，我不会因为你不表达勇气、不以这样的方式表达爱，而否定掉爱情本身，否定掉那些你为爱所做出的；
　　另一方面，你所不表达的、会自始自终成为一个黑洞。它首先是你在“自证自我价值”的黑洞，其后才是我的不平衡感。

　　不要拿“她的情绪还要调整到‘爱的指针’”这种CLOAK或理由了。
　　不，SIR，我永远不会否定你对爱情已经做出的（those part that melt my heart），也永远不会赞同你在“需要表达出勇气和爱”方面的缺失。即使我一次次从破碎中站起来、重新爱你、毫无保留地爱你，并不意味着“你在后者---那些缺失的部分”是对的、是有价值的。
　　它们始终都不对。
　　如果我再次把情绪调整到“爱的指针”，是因为“that part melting me”，而不是因为这些“缺失的勇气和爱的表达”---爱情让我宁可不看它们，但我内心里真的、真的多需要你修正这个部分，你自己也需要这方面的“认证”，你本该可以让我更温暖、让你自己由于再次突破自我而成长得更强壮、让爱情变得更健康（而不只是我一味在表现勇气）。

　　关于男子气概也是一样。
　　一方面，你在“MELTING MY HEART”所表现的男子气概，不会因为你没表现的那些方面而被否定。
　　另一方面，你没表现的、缺失的，它也无法被遮盖掉，而且此刻我正在要求你补足它。
　　并非你在一切方面都强于我、那才是男子气概，而你不应当“需要一切都强于我、并且我承认这一点”、才使你在我面前感到有男子气概。ＳＩＲ，I'M ONLY A WOMAN IN LOVE, WHATEVER HOWEVER I WAS, I LOVE YOU AS A WOMAN(=an earthly people with a womanly body), IT MEANS, 1 PART ABOUT CHARACTER, I LOVE YOU AS AN EARTHLY-PEOPLE TO ANOTHER EARTHLY, YES, MAYBE I WAS STRONGER THAN YOU ON SOME ASPECTS, SOME NOT; 1 PART ABOUT THE BODY, I LOVE YOU WITH A WOMAN BODY, NOTHING CAN CHANGE THIS PART: YOU ARE A MAN, AND I AM A WOMAN, WHATEVER THE MAN-HOOD NEVER EVER DEPEND ON MORALITY OR BETTER/STRONGER CHARACTER.


　　Ｉ ＬＯＶＥ　ＹＯＵ，ＡＮＤ　ＷＡＩＴＩＮＧ　ＦＯＲ　ＹＯＵ．ＪＵＳＴ　ＧＯ，ＡＳ　ＦＡＳＴ　ＡＳ　ＹＯＵ　ＣＡＮ

sir,
can you feel it, the changing wind?
an important signal is waiving, it says:

you had turn into some symbol of rebellion------against the tradition/norm/standard... upon those stuffs out of normal track, including costume/hair style/behavior... etc.

the stuffs out of normal track has two parts: part 1 invovled in your arts, especially the stage arts; part 2 invovled in the real life.

in your career:

section 1,
the part 1 had been highly praised, people think you're always bewitching on stage.
the part 2 in the real life... well in the past reality, you are obedient/graceful/decent... etc. you always played the one matching the mundane judgement, those stuffs(costume/hair style/behavior...) matching the mundane judgements). in another word the part 2 was hid under a mask.

section 2,
the part 1 got its peak.
the part 2... even though you try to match the mundane society, but the difference just can't be hid forever, you are yourself. you began to show the part 2 in the real life-----well, they(part 2) caused a lot doubts.

then the 05case overturn all the old image(in the section 1).

section 3,
the part 1 is still here, was highly praised as before.
the part 2 had been revealed totally, especially these years. and they(part 2) led to so much sharp criticisms about your life/character/behavior/costume/hair style... all.

because of the part 1 stayed on a pause, it made the part 2 meet more criticism/pressure.

section 4,
the part 1 go on in a broad step, with a shocking mania and brilliant power that was shown to this world;
the part 2 would be turned into the symbol of rebellion from the object of being criticized. for sure it won't be overturned in one night, but... let's wait and see. because one important mundane principle is, people judge the values of stuffs by success or failure(it's the mundane world, you just can't count on more insights). it's the change i point out, it has two parts: the spirit symbol of rebellion, those stuffs out of normal track(costume/hair style/wheel chair... including the behaviour such as on the conference). they are mutual, the two parts would push each other. it had began... long before, but i do feel the it began formally from the discussion about the behaviors/hair style on the conference.

it would be so hilarious...
finally people might have keen interests on part 2, they are just learn an important lesson about "real value"... more.

don't worry about the young-fans-base, we can forsee, because of "the symbol of rebellion", and the young generation is the most important supporter of rebellion all the time, you will win them all easily.
what you should be watchful is to, let the young generation learn that the real rebellion isn't those posed: drugs/pills/sex/fighting... in fact it was the creativity---those stuffs out of normal track.

cheer up!

whatever the behaviors or hairstyle on conference. they are just the beginning of a great changing. well maybe you can adjust "the size of the step" according the situation, make it more effetive and acceptible.
i do adore your sensibility of things. far before you can think it out clearly, you had went straight toward the diretion you feel. even if the behavior/hairstyle can be  adjust a bit, but you do catch the direction: the "you" in the section 4.

congratulation
it's the first time i feel you are so nearby to the "you" on stage. you know, i was bewitched by the "you" on stage, but the one i love it's the "you" i know on orkut, not the "you" in the past;
i can't be bewitched by the "you" in the past;
in another word, the "you" i know i love now also bewitched me as the "you" on stage.

keep on going, with a broad step, baby, you are brilliant... so brilliant as my Mr. Sunshine.

it's a melting day, you melt my heart.
as to... when i walked in the street, just felt floating on unreal time-river.

it's amazing...

everytime i thought of your smile, then i wanna smile too.
others else: the scenery along the street, the walking people across by my side... they disappeared, the whole leaves only your childlike laughing.
you never know how it melt my heart.

i had known it before.
before... i had known your happiness really made my day, on orkut, i can only feel you through some words and pictures, they had melt me. but your laughing... is different, so different, it exaggerates the "melting feeling" that much... wow it feels... wow

sir what's the problem you had met(i feel it on PEDRITA's orkut)?
i feel so worried, anxious.
i don't know your plan, i just know you declared an important step, i think i feel you might face tons of pressure. what's going on? tell me your worries. wow, you are just torturing me--------you can have saved me easily, like a call, an email, etc. let me share your problem, your heart, your happinese, tell me when we might meet... then you will save a loving-you-heart out of torture.
why not?
why

i don't know what's the problem, can't guess out.
when i saw your laughing like a child, i just feel... well my fresh beautiful world rely on your laughing-face. and i keep on thinking a song "i smile as long as i saw you" (“我一见你就笑”)the whole day. hmmmm one famous song of a past famous singer denglijun(邓丽君)，a day long, just can't help, the melting day...
but now, at this moment, what's going on?

sir i'm not a real angel, i'm a earth people, i can't work out what you are thinking through your face, on the contrary, i only see happiness/a strong man mixed with childlike purity... otherwise what should i read on your laughing face? how can i work out what kind of worries under it?
what do you want me to read on your face?-----if it wasn't happiness/childlike purity/confidence/beauty... oh yes, beauty----you just make me forget what's the original meaning of this word in my dictionary, this word should have a lot explanation, such as: 1)is the beauty of Arthur Rimbaud, 2)is Marilyn Monroe, 3)is Mr. Donkey...
now it had turns into: 1)is Mr. Donkey, 2)is Mr. Donkey, 3)is Mr. Donkey...

sir i know you face some huge pressure after the conference, yes i do wanna give you support, but... actually it wasn't the support first, these all honey word is my desire first, like a bird with good voice then it needs to sing. with all these emotion(what i see, how i feel) i just can't help pouring tons of honey word to you.

you never know how i bleed at these kind of mement: i felt so worry but i just don't know, it seems i would never get enough right to know. even a worker besides you know, but not me. "what's love"--------the "never get right to know" asked myself again and again, then i began to bleed, stumble, fell on the floor and cry hysteriously.

can you save me sir?

it was so touchful... whenever i saw the exploring power of fans.
it was so... just like there is a hand that touched right on my heart---yes, when people pursue the dream, when a person threw off all the burden to enjoy only this moment---as it was the last minute of this world...

there's always such a moment that human kind would give his fearless plunge with all he owned... just for a drop of hope, maybe one night's warm blood, one night's dream... it always made me full of tears.
the first, it always reminds me, how much heavy the life is. to be born, to die, illness, aging... all kinds of ashes in our life, inside/outside the marriage, the painful growing up, or the burden on an adult... etc, so the Buddha said, "life is a boundless sea of hardship". yes just because we own these moment---the beautiful plunge, it made us feel to live in this world worthwhile.
those plunges without any fear/hesitation/calculation, with all the light & heat a person can give out... they make all the ashes in our life worthwhile.

our tears is for the ashes, the secondly for those shinning moment, the beautiful plunge in one's life.
yes, only because of the ashes, all the darkest moment, and the boring daily life that can make us scream... all of them made those plunges/shinning moment more brilliant.

it's the thing that make me full of tears, it has two parts: the ashes, and the fearless plunge/the shinning moment.

sir just a moment ago, i was aware of that we both doing the same thing, with opposite direction: when i encourage everyone can be a great creator, everyone can own the GODLIKE power/feeling through their creativity, then they would find the biggest self-value in life; at the same time, you remind people remember those plunge/shinning moment in one's life.

since:
1) to creat isn't an easy work, though i think everyone can do but it did need hard work... and you know human nature, "hard work" might make people stop... so, though we do the same thing, but it owns two steps, your doing is the first step: let people know/remember the plunge/shinning moment, made people fall in love with those shinning moment... some of them would stretch this love to other fields: science, painting, writing... etc. even if a common job, when you got that plunge without fears(of hard work), you can also shine as sun.
2)because all of the material limits in the current world, not much people can be all kinds of creators in their life even if they had nice will to accept "hard work", they are just... common people. but life... every life is same beautiful, they still need to live on, and with a dream is much better than without. what a comfort to live with a dream even though they can creat nothing in their life.
life... the most beautiful thing, even if saw a dew on a leaf it would me feel so great, what about life? a human being's life? for sure to have the creativity is really great, but it can't be bigger than life itself. to live is the base of everything, of every-possibility. life is the greatest one.
yes without any creativity, life is still astonishing beautiful, to live better(such as with a dream) is worthwhile.

"you are so great" is because the human nature owns such a great part: the deep one, fragile and delicate a dew on the leaves, maybe a tear on baby's face.
"you are so great" is because, you are so good at ignite this part. because of you, people turn the deep fragile part into huge passion and power.

sir you are pretty a universal lightful comfort in people's heart, so warm.

 

hmmmm, suddenly i remember my earliest posts on orkut, one is about fans, yeah i refind they had touched me so deeply once before. it seems i forgot...
it's your duty sir.
look at your influence on me, just because of you, my ocean-like broad eye-view on this world(including fans) had wore out into a drop---a small drop, very very small that can only contain crying Ms. Unhappy and her volcano-like complaint(maybe explosion :P) ... because my motor had been damaged that much without return!!!

that poor poor poor motor...
hey fans if someday i forgot my touchful moments for you all, that's all Mr. Donkey's duty @@ he made me so hungry almost die, that i almost forgot everything.

good luck honey, i miss you
kiss 9

------------
it was really out of expectation that i had thought... to write sth. to you as some bless... finally it turns into compliments about fans' power. maybe because the impression is still so strong(once before on orkut...), maybe because i finally found it was the correct direction... 

whatever i'd been so proud of you baby. you are my Mr. Sunshine(also many people's).

GO Mr. Sunshine





 

i'm listning "jupiter", my favorite, it sounds like the life(a new/renewed life with all the hope
and vatality) walk up on the horizon.
yes love bring it up/back.

you are the savior of my life, i hope i'm yours.
i bring you back, you bring me up... otherwise we would fall in the empty walking shell in
mundane life, eating, sleeping, talking, living, then die... growing into ashes slowly, toward the direction of disappearing planets.

i love you.

i believe the voice from the bottom of my heart, it said...

however i'm here waiting for you. with my love, yeah.
my direction is your heart, your love.